I Failed My Meditation Challenge

I’ve never been one to meditate, I can’t even “relax.” Just ask my physical therapist, “relax your arm”….”it is relaxed.” If you look up “meditation”, it’s “the art or practice of meditating.” That’s not helpful, so what is it? It’s the process of becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings, physical surroundings, etc. to better understand yourself and the world around you. Meditation has been shown to help reduce stress, increase tolerance, and improve overall health. Meditation isn’t something that everyone simply knows how to do, you have to practice, just like with anything else.

With that in mind, I figured what better way to continue my 2018 goal than to try a 21-day meditation challenge hosted by Lole. If you don’t know, Lole is a Canadian women’s activewear company. Everyday I wrote down how I felt after the meditation session. Here’s a quick recap of how the challenge started for me.

• Day 1 – I have a hard time being still. That was the longest 5 minutes of my life.
• Day 2 – I was so exhausted that I didn’t think the 5 minutes seemed that long today. I slept pretty decent, probably from the exhaustion.
• Day 3 – More focusing on breathing.  This in no way helps me relax. Honestly, focusing on my breathing reminds me of my panic attacks, when I feel like I can’t breathe and I really have to work hard and think about breathing in order to breathe. This is not relaxing, it’s causing me anxiety, because I feel like I can’t breathe normally when I’m focusing on breathing.
• Day 4 – The theme was setting an intention, to be courageous tomorrow.
• Day 5 – I didn’t really connect with today’s meditation, but I feel like it might be helping me relax before bed.  That’s helpful for someone like me who sometimes has a hard time shutting down my mind at the end of the day, particularly when I’m stressed out.
• Day 6 – I just didn’t feel connected to this again. My brain just kept going off into day dreams and thinking about other things.  What are you supposed to focus on? How do people’s minds NOT wander?
• Day 7 – Hmm I think I did this same day twice. Oh well, I think it went better today. It was a little easier to focus the breathing with thinking of the rising and falling of breath, rather than simply breathing in and out. I was feeling defeated about meditation earlier, but I’ll keep trying.
• Day 8 – I could NOT stop thinking about all the stuff I have to do. It made me think, what ARE you supposed to be thinking about while you meditate? I’m not sure yet…
• Day 9 – This meditation was all about eating food, it was weird. Especially because I wasn’t eating food! How was I supposed to know that’s what today was going to be about…
• Day 10 – This is all about hearing and acknowledging the sounds around you. This, I can do!
• Day 11 – The Body Breathing, more focusing on breathing, is that all meditation is about? There was a little focus on the body and awareness of your surroundings, but not much. I didn’t feel connected today, my mind was elsewhere. I feel like that’s been happening a lot because I’m really stressed out. I’ll try again tomorrow.
• Day 12 – Focusing on the breathing again and if your mind wanders “thinking” (I have no idea where I was going with that, but that’s what I wrote down). I have noticed that the days I can meditate before bed I am more relaxed and can fall asleep a little easier. That is a big plus from me.
• Day 13 – Today we were asked to remember a time when we really needed love and didn’t receive it. Then we recited about losing ourself, being free from inner and outer danger, spreading love and positivity, and accepting others as they are. I felt like this day really hit home with me, and I needed to hear this today.
• Day 14 – I learned today that it is totally normal and acceptable for your mind to wander during meditation. This makes me feel better, although, when my mind has been wandering to work or things causing me stress, I’ve been trying to bring it back.  I try to focus on the rising and falling of the breath. This is less stressful to me than focusing on breathing in and out.
• Day 15 – Today’s theme: May I be happy and healthy, May I be free from inner and outer danger, May I be filled with loving kindness, May I love and accept myself just as I am. When it has a theme like this I feel like it’s easier for me to connect to the meditation.
• Day  16 – Today’s theme: May you be held in compassion, May you be free from pain and sorrow, May you be at peace
• Day 17 – Wow I didn’t mean for it to be three weeks since I did day 16 of the meditation challenge. Europe really threw me off my schedule and the momentum I had going. By the time I would get ready for bed I didn’t have it in me to spend 20+ minutes (the meditations got longer each day throughout the challenge) meditating.  I was too tired with the time change. Here goes nothing…it was hard to get back into it at first. I don’t think this style of meditation is right for me and 20 minutes seems like way too long. Also, what IS your “mind’s heart”??
• Day 18 – I don’t really know what today’s meditation was about, if I’m being honest. I couldn’t get into it, and at 25 minutes long I just kept thinking of everything else I could be doing. I started multitasking instead. Better luck next time. I just feel like 25+ minutes doesn’t work well with my schedule.  I’m going all day long and before bed is a time I’ve found works best for me to meditate. However, 10 minutes or less, works best for me, 25-30 minutes and I’m worried about not getting to sleep on time because I wake up early in the morning.
• Day 19 (through 21) – Never happened

I was so close to finishing this challenge, and only had 3 days left. Why didn’t I finish it? I don’t know if it was my trip or what seemed to be extremely long meditations, but I just could not get back into it after my trip to Europe. I really didn’t mind learning about meditation in general, but I could not bring myself to do a 30+ minute mediation, especially because it was being led by someone who I had no connection with (how they were speaking, etc) and I didn’t even know or care what the days were about.

So what are my thoughts. I actually do think mediation is a very powerful tool, and I’m looking forward to exploring it more on my own terms. I generally felt like I had a little more control and felt calmer when I was in stressful situations. I did think that it helped, so I downloaded the Calm App to keep meditating in the future. I simply don’t think this particular challenge was the best for me, which doesn’t mean it’s not the best for other people.  If you want to try it, you can find it HERE. I would definitely recommend trying some sort of meditation, and keep me posted if you do!

xoxo

-S